In Grief

I had the loose framework of a post that I wanted to write on Thursday night. I felt exuberant and free and wanted to share my joy with the world. Well I will still write that post but it is now tainted by a great sadness.

My friend's young cat had to be put down yesterday. I don't know all the details as I understand how raw the pain is for her. I will call the cat "Bootsy" for the sake of respect and privacy. The story of Bootsy is for another day as I am grieving as well.

Big sigh, anyhow before I learned of Bootsy's passing, I was feeling exuberant. After a situation at work that I see as another form of harassment. I had experienced some harassment from a peer last year and have been dealing with the emotional aftermath since that time. Last year during that difficult time, I was not dealing with it well at all. Actually, I don't really deal with adversity well at all period. Unfortunately or fortunately depending on your point of view working with difficult people in a difficult environment has forced me to speak up to defend myself and learn to deal with adversity.

I am a firm believer that you are where you are supposed to be so perhaps these are all lessons that I need to learn to have a happy successful life. In the meantime however, it makes for some crappy and dark days. This is where my wonderful mood comes in. I didn't go home after a couple of difficult days at work and cry (as I have done in the past). I also didn't toss and turn as I replayed conversations over and over in my head, second guessing my responses and wishing I had said different things (as I have also done in the past). I slept like a baby and woke up rested and content. When I realized that this minor setback (because really, it is not the end of world although sometimes things feel that big and bad in the moment), hadn't shut me down as minor setbacks in the past have done, I felt victorious.

I am a Phoenix rising out of the ashes and I know today that I am mentally and emotionally stronger today than I was even a week ago. Those bastards can throw their best at me. As long as I continue to try to be a diligent fair employee, there is nothing they can do to me. Bring it, I'm ready! Wednesday, February 17th is my new birthday - financially and emotionally. Today is the first day of the rest of my life.


Rest in peace Bootsy. I am convinced that you are a angel that I was fortunate enough to know for just over two years. Thank you for sharing a part of your life with me.